I opened my eyes to the sounds of a softly strumming guitar.
“You’re awake,” Roi said, turning to me with a gentle smile. “I thought I lost you.”
“Is this. . . another dimension?” I asked, gazing about in wonder.
“Different room. We had some complaints at the other place. Looks quite similar though.”
“They complained?”
“I’m sure it was nothing. They seemed like assholes,” Roi reassured me.
I sat up against the wall now so that I could face him. Six beds filled the room. The room was bare and empty. I felt strangely rested.
“I felt like I was flying through space. I thought I had died.”
“That’s the altitude sickness,” Roi confirmed. “You have to go a few days at a time to let your body acclimate. Best thing for you to do now is get to a lower elevation. You should come with me to Japan. Don’t go to Tibet.”
My bandaged hand throbbed like a metronome.
“Roi, I have to tell you something.”
“Don’t worry,” Roi said. “I think I know what you’re going to tell me. And trust me, Tibet isn’t the answer.”
I stared at him openmouthed.
“How did you know?”
“It’s not really that hard to tell,” Roi shrugged, his face screwing up in friendly apology. “You talk a lot in your sleep, you know.”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“Not Tibet, that’s for sure. The Dalai Lama lives in Dharamshala, which is in India. He was exiled from Tibet, which was annexed by China during the war. He can’t go back until Tibet is liberated, which will probably not happen unless the Americans and the U.N. intervene, which they won’t. China is too powerful.”
“Yeah, but we’re talking about the United States of America here,” I puffed up. “Ever hear of the Constitution?”
“What happens on American soil is one thing. What happens in the rest of the world is another. I know the Americans like to think of themselves as the torch bearers of freedom, but they’re also the largest consumers of basically everything. They only police the roads that carry the goods. It’s not that different from the Mongols protecting the Silk Road.”
“But the Dalai Lama’s life is in danger.”
“His life is always in danger,” Roi reasoned. “The Chinese want him dead. That’s no secret.”
“We have to tell them,” I insisted and stared hard into Roi eyes.
Roi’s eyes softened and he gave in. He reached into his bag and took out a camera. With the press of a button, he released a flash drive and held it out to me.
“I almost got caught at the border with this. Do you know what would’ve happened to me if the Chinese looked inside? The things I saw were. . .” Roi stammered, and I watched as a tear made its way down from the corner of his eye.
“I probably shouldn’t give this to you, but I’m stuck here for another week until my visa for Japan arrives. I’m just a messenger,” he added guiltily, and placed the flash drive in my hand.
“You’re doing the right thing. We might just save a few lives.”
Roi nodded.
“I saw monks set themselves on fire in the street. They’re crying out for freedom, and the world isn’t even listening. The Chinese pretend it’s not happening, and the rest of the world ignores all of the death and misery there because we’re addicted to buying happy meal toys.”
“I’ll make sure this gets to the right people,” I promised him.
“What if you get searched at the airport?” Roi asked me.
“Then I’ll flirt with the guards,” I said and winked. “Do you know how to say ‘I love you’ in Mandarin?”
“Wo a ni,” Roi breathed in astonishment, and watched as I took out a thread and needle from my rucksack and began sewing the flash drive into a secret pocket hidden in my underwear.
“I doubt it’ll get to that point, but if it does, I can always just affect an indignant British accent,” I joked.
“What about your hand?” Roi asked. “I was a medic in the army. You need to make sure to change your bandages. If I had some gauze, I would change it for you.”
“It’s all right. Just tell me how to make it stop throbbing,” I said, squeezing my wrist and wincing.
“There’s a city not far from here called Kunming. It’s known as the City of Eternal Spring. It’s high in elevation, but near the equator. It’ll be warm there. You should be able to find a clinic. From there, you can go in any direction.”
“I don’t know how to repay you, Roi.”
“For what?”
“Being a friend,” I said, and held out my good hand.
He grasped it and held it gently. We let the moment pass and leaned back, wondering at the chances of our meeting here, at the border of Tibet on the cusp of winter, both of us wandering souls traveling this world alone. He strummed a few chords of what I recognized as Yellow Submarine.
“You ever feel like you’ve lost your whole sense of direction, Roi?” I asked after the last twangs faded.
“All the time. Being lost is the best way to find out where you’re going.”
“I always thought that one of these days, the road would lead me back to her. I used to hear this voice in my head telling me where to go, but now I can’t hear it. Maybe the Chinese set up a new kind of firewall or something. I keep searching for an arrow to point me in the right direction, but I can’t see it. Not the way I used to.”
“A sign can tell you where to go, Sam, but it can’t tell you how to get there. Now you’ve hit a wall and you don’t know what to do, right? All you have to do is walk around the wall.”
“How do I do that?”
“The world as you see it is just an illusion, but you don’t know what the illusion is, or what it means, or why it’s there. You just know it’s the very thing stopping you from breaking through to the other side. How do you get rid of an illusion? You learn to see it. You see it with your heart and mind.”
“Can you teach me?”
“Come to the edge of the bed and take my hands. Sit up straight and close your eyes. Repeat after me. . .”
I sat up and inhaled deep.
“I am Sam,” Roi intoned, eyes closed.
“I am Sam,” I repeated.
“There is no one else. I am Sam Iam,” he said.
“There is no one else. I am Sam Iam,” I repeated.
“Now breathe.”
I exhaled.
“Go past the noise, and search for the silence in your mind. Don’t try to do it forcefully. Just let it happen. Let your mind be as light as the air itself. Picture a lake. Look at the light reflecting off the water, but don’t try to hold onto the image. Just let it move further and further towards a point in the distance, a lonely mountain. . .”
Eyes closed, I went past an endless chorus of shouting voices, debates from the left and the right filling the space with empty noise, whispers of chocolate and sex and moans of pain and pleasure, sighs of indifference and roars of rage. Further down the hall, I heard a torrent of voices, threats, and warnings left for me by Interpol, built up from the moment I disconnected. Piles of frantic, fear-inspiring messages. Lies.
SAM! GET OUT OF THERE! ROI IS A DOUBLE AGENT!
REPORT TO INTERPOL NOW OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO TERMINATE YOU!
- ZEN HAS ALERTED THE CHINESE! THEY’RE COMING FOR YOU NOW!
I looked at Roi in amazement.
“They’re all lies,” I said in wonder. “They’re terrified.”
Roi smiled.
“Keep listening. Don’t stop until the voices disappear. Let them fade away. . .”
I shut my eyes tightly and kept listening. I went deeper and deeper in. There was a crackle of static. Incoming transmission:
Jack here. Everything is going just as planned, sir. What’s that? No, he doesn’t suspect a thing. The package is strapped and ready to blow. Once he shakes that old fool’s hand, it’ll send him back a few reincarnations. I used enough explosive to make sure of that. . . Me? I’ve got a hot body waiting for me in Thailand. A little fun in the sun, if you know what I mean . . .
“NOOOOOO!” I screamed and jumped up from the bed. “He has her, Roi! I have to go! I have to go now!”
“Go where?” Roi cried. “It’s the middle of the night! You’ll freeze!”
“I don’t care! Every minute I sit around waiting here is another minute he has her in his arms!”
“It’s a lie, Sam! Don’t listen to the voices! Listen to the silence!”
“Enough of your hokey-pokey tricks! Don’t you see? I’ve been acting like a pawn this whole time! Jack faked his own death in Lijiang! He made me believe I’m on a mission to save the Dalai Lama, but in reality, I’m being sent to kill him! Don’t you see, Roi? I’m the killer! Jack’s been planning it all along! Why else would he tell me his plan? It’s because I was always meant to be the one to pull the trigger! I’m being sent to kill the Dalai Lama, not to save him! And once I’m out of the picture, Jack can have My True Love all to himself! He’s trying to take my life and become me! Forever this time!”
“Sam!”
I stood before the open door and let the cold hallway air blow in.
“I’m sorry, Roi. I’m forever grateful for everything you’ve done. Not only for helping me climb the mountain and carrying me through the street, but for being a friend. You’ve done more for me than you can know. But there’s something I need to do. We have to fulfill our dharma, don’t we? No matter where it takes us. I’ve probably been on this road a thousand times before wondering how many times I have to win before I get to kiss the girl. But maybe I’ve never won. Maybe that’s why I keep coming back. I have to let those vultures eat me over and over until the cycle ends. Goodbye, Roi. Tell Mr. Zen I’m sorry I couldn’t sign his guestbook.”